


Point

by Nectardust



Series: RoyEd Oneshot Collections [2]
Category: Fullmetal Alchemist (Anime 2003), Fullmetal Alchemist - All Media Types
Genre: Age Difference, Highly suggestive humor, Innuendo, Lime, M/M, Really Bad Puns, Teenage!me thought she was clever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-07-06
Packaged: 2020-05-29 14:44:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 10
Words: 5,678
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19402450
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nectardust/pseuds/Nectardust
Summary: Ed and Roy share words...among other things.





	1. Point

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own FMA. This is why. -points to fic-
> 
> Originally posted on FF.net back in...2006? Yeah, wow. Unbeta'ed and unchanged from original post.

"Edward," Roy spoke smoothly, sliding from his seat to stroll over to his younger lover. Ed, for his part, froze in anticipation. The Flame only used _that_ tone of voice when he really wanted "something." That something being "Edward." The Colonel grinned, coming to stand behind the blonde. "Let me get straight to the point," he breathed softly into the younger alchemist's ear, easily turning the Fullmetal about to face him.

Proceeding to steal Ed's breath and coherency, Roy slanted his lips demandingly over the other's, pressing his body against that of the younger alchemist. One hand moved to hold Ed's neck in place so Roy could continue to kiss him thoroughly, the other skating down his spine to wrack the blonde's entire body with sensuous shivers. When the latter hand reached the bottom of Ed's back, Roy's fingers softly but deftly played across some open skin between the end of the Fullmetal's tanktop and the beginning of his pants.

Ed's tremors increased from the treatment, causing him to move impossibly closer to the man against him and press their bodies together, hoping some of Roy's stability would somehow transfer over to him. Both hands fisted in Roy's military jacket for support, breaths escaping him in gasps once his lover finally, slowly, moved away. "What the hell, bastard?" he panted, though for all intents and purposes, he looked like he had immensely enjoyed such a greeting despite his vocal aversion.

The Colonel especially noticed just how much the younger had to be enjoying himself. "Why, Fullmetal," he near-chuckled. "I didn't think you'd like it so much that you'd give me a standing ovation so soon."

The blonde blushed, averting his eyes from Roy's. "Knock it off, Roy," he protested weakly. "This is your office. If we continue, we'll have a very sticky situation to deal with afterwards."

Roy shrugged. "As long as we don't rush into things head-on and have a sloppy performance, then we should be fine." His dark eyes glinting, he guided a now-willing Edward to his desk. "Besides, I'd hate to disappoint you when my little soldier is already standing at attention."

Edward growled and smacked Roy on the shoulder before saying, "Awaiting orders, _Colonel_."

The Flame narrowed his eyes devilishly. "Now, now, Edward. Don't give me any lip. That's not how you respond to your commanding officer."

The Fullmetal's eyes widened slightly before taking on a mocking appearance. "Oh? I thought you _liked_ lip, Roy?" he taunted. And proceeded to show Roy exactly what he meant.

And as the afternoon flashed by, both Roy's and Ed's points were explicitly made.

"That friggin' Colonel one-upped me again," Edward seethed in response to Al's unspoken question.

Al shook his head. "Nii-san, what's wrong? You act like you have a stick up your butt or something."

Edward paused, looking deliberately over his shoulder at his younger brother. "…That would be Roy's."


	2. Pound

"Edward."

"Hell no," the blond vehemently refused, shaking his head so hard that his braid whipped him in the face. "No way. Last time we did this, Al started asking questions when I limped home. Especially when I couldn't sit without wincing. You bastard, don't you ever think of anyone but yourself?"

Roy paused a moment, lifting his fingers to his chin as he rolled his eyes to the ceiling, the ever-present smirk never leaving his face. "Well," he said after awhile, ignoring Ed's impatient look. Another long stretch of silence. "I think about…" the Colonel continued finally, gaining the Fullmetal's attention again. "… _you_."

Silence seemed to be the loudest sound in the Colonel's office that day.

After a time of blushing and squirming, the teen managed to glare at his commanding officer. "Uh huh. Sure," he replied dryly, his tone sarcastic. "I bet you _think_ of me. More like 'dream' of me when you can't have me, huh?"

Roy only stared at him, only one eye twitching to show his discomfort.

"Well, you can forget it," Ed replied to the unspoken question that followed the accusation. "If you so much as make one _move_ towards me, I'll pound you _so_ hard, Mustang…"

The Colonel's twitching faded, his smirk reappearing as he leered, "Is that so, Ed?" At the youth's defiant nod, the Flame chuckled, "Now, as much as I anticipate you pounding me…I'd much prefer you pounding _into_ me."

The look on the blond's face was priceless, and Roy couldn't help but laugh aloud at Ed's expression. But as silence dominated the room for the third time once the Colonel's chuckles died down, the older took that as permission to continue with his day's plans.

"But you know," Roy said abruptly a time later, catching the blond's expectant look with an especially superior grin. "Since I'm always the one doing the pounding, you really have no say in the matter."

"I seem to remember I have quite a lot to _say_ in the matter," Ed bit back bitterly.

Roy bit his lip to keep from laughing – again. He quite enjoyed Ed's "say" in matters, especially as it often consisted of the words: more, harder, again, please, and OH ROY!

Roy didn't respond to the blond's defense, letting the silence savor its glory before it was swayed over by breathless moans and raw shouts.

And as Ed finally gave in to his lover's never-ceasing advances, Roy's grin was one of intense triumph. "You know, Edward," he drawled, "it's just really too easy to see that I have you wrapped around my finger."

As said finger was squeezed impatiently, Roy decided that he'd better get to pounding before Ed lost interest and pounded him first.


	3. Diagrams

"Doesn't this come with instructions or anything?" Ed complained, causing the Flame to choke back his laughter. Of course the blond teen would be hesitant; he hated trying something new without researching it thoroughly first. And unfortunately for the young alchemist, the librarians and booksellers wouldn't let him near the books he so desperately needed to flip through. Despite him being a prodigy, the adults simply found it "improper" to let the Fullmetal Alchemist, someone so young, near books discussing vivid details of sexual maneuvers. And not just that, but descriptions of the mechanics of said act involving two _guys_.

Roy had laughed when a fuming blond had confided in him about his ignorance on the subject. He then quickly bit his tongue when he saw Edward clenching his automail fingers deliberately into a fist.

"Don't _you_ have a vast knowledge of how to…you know…?" Ed hinted, desperate for some information before he agreed to take the next step in his and Mustang's relationship.

The Colonel shook his head, grinning. "Sorry to disappoint, Edward. I'm glad you think so highly of my reputation, but I'm popular with _women_."

The blond's shoulders slumped in defeat.

"Though I do have a vague idea of what to do," Roy offered after a moment's pause.

Edward shot to his feet, eyes frantic. "Really? Can you explain to me, step by step, what we'd be doing?"

"Where's the fun in that?" Roy scoffed. "The element of surprise, especially for your first time, is of utmost importance. Trust me, Ed."

The Fullmetal glared, biting his cheek to keep from lashing out at his commanding officer.

Sighing, the Colonel plucked a pen from his desk and grabbed a sheet from his stack of unfinished paperwork. On the back, he scribbled something long and pointy and wrote an 'A' on top. Next to his first drawing, he added a second picture of a hole, labeling it with a 'B.' "Okay, Edward. Thrust Stick A into Slot B. Repeat until satisfied."

Edward leaned closer to the paper. "Why did you label them 'A' and 'B,' Roy? Why couldn't it have been switched to 'B' and 'A'?"

Mustang groaned internally; he could have sworn that Ed was trying to make his life difficult on purpose. " _Because_ , Edward. 'B' is the hole, and it stands for 'Back Entrance'…"

" _Oh_ …" the blond whistled, comprehension setting in. Then, "Your diagram sucks, Mustang."

Roy frowned at the insult. "Fine. We'll add a part 'C.'" As he spoke, he drew another hole, a good deal higher on the paper when compared to the positions of pieces 'A' and 'B.' "Hole 'C' snaps in place over Stick 'A.' Suck and bob. Repeat until satisfied."

A wide blush settled on the teen's cheeks as he understood. "Mustang," he growled, marching towards the other with purposeful strides. "As much as I love reading, I think I'm ready to learn with some hands-on experience."


	4. Insulted

"Where're you going?" Ed asked, golden eyes following his lover's form as Roy dragged himself out from under the covers. It was still early in the night; Ed knew Roy was more than capable of lasting at least another couple rounds.

Roy shot an impish grin over his shoulder. "I'm just getting some water. Don't worry Ed. I'll be _right_ back. And then we can continue our games. Don't miss me too much." He dodged the pillow the blonde threw at him, chuckling, as he headed towards their kitchen.

Edward sighed, feeling the empty bed. Before he could take another breath, his lover's form was standing in the doorway, set and ready to go. "Wow, that _was_ quick," he acknowledged, surprised but impressed, as he pat the empty space beside him. "Come on; the bed's way too cold without you, jerk. No wonder you're called the friggin' Flame."

Smirking, the man moved forward, hands suspiciously bare. The Fullmetal crinkled his forehead, feeling uneasy as he sensed something _off_ somehow. Then, "Where's your water, Mustang?" Roy always brought a filled cup back with him, just in case he'd need more water during the course of his and Ed's 'nights.' He usually brought back the extra water so he wouldn't have to get up again, anticipating Ed's energy and enthusiasm. And this night was certainly looking to be long and enjoyable indeed.

"I, uh…drank it already." The voice cracked a bit before flowing into Roy's smooth, _suggestive_ tone.

The blonde's internal radar went off again, blaring warning sirens in his head as the man continued towards him. He was never scared of Mustang; that was one of the main reasons they were so compatible. Neither of them would bow to the other out of fear, only shared respect. "Roy, you're scaring me. Something's not right. Tell me what's going on."

"Nothing's wrong, Fullmetal pip-" the extremely familiar voice answered, hurriedly cutting short the last word, as if he was remembering something important. Such as the fact that Ed hated to be called short, and would often throw a cute tantrum if anyone so much as mentioned something as being small. It wouldn't suit the mood, the plan of seduction, if Ed was to overreact now.

The young alchemist started to glare before realizing something. It was an unspoken rule between the two lovers that Roy _never_ call Ed short in bed. Of course, Roy often did it anyways, just to spite the blonde. Only he usually waited until Ed couldn't think coherently, and so wouldn't understand – or remember – being insulted. And he always got transmuted to the couch for three nights following if Ed caught him at it. The fact that Roy was asking for death right before what promised to be a very exciting adventure under the bed sheets was ridiculous. Roy Mustang was smarter than that. And Ed knew it.

"Who the hell are you?" he finally spat, gathering said bed sheets around his waist to appear decent.

A perfect eyebrow lifted over one eye, a usual quirk of the older alchemist's when Ed was being 'silly.' Another smooth, velvet chuckle sounded, so close-sounding to what Edward frequently heard from the older man. "Don't be ridiculous, Edward. It's me. Roy."

The blonde frantically shook his head. "Don't mess with me. I know my own boyfriend, idiot, and you are _not_ him."

"How clever of you to finally figure it out. What tipped you off, the fact that I wasn't ravishing you as soon as I walked in?" the man who looked like Roy spoke, the familiar tone of Mustang's deep voice fading into another equally familiar, though not exactly welcome, voice. The voice changed, but the form didn't. Ed really didn't know what that comment was supposed to mean; Roy had way more control over himself than the blonde, at least in most cases. Or maybe the gibe was spat out as a form of jealousy, which often held no truth whatsoever.

"You evil bitch," Ed hissed, cursing the fact that he was naked. Otherwise he would have tackled the homunculus and pounded Envy's face in for daring to interrupt his and Roy's special night together. One special night that was part of a string of special nights, but each one was something treasured. "How the hell did you get in here anyway?"

"I've been wondering that, too," another voice joined the two. Roy, the real one, had returned with his glass of water. "And might I ask just what the hell you're doing using the appearance of _my_ body and why you were trying to seduce _my_ boyfriend?"

The Sin shrugged. "You know, you guys really should start locking your windows. Bad things might happen if you don't. To answer your second question, the chibi would never let anyone but you close to him in this way, so your body was the only option. As for the third question, I'll leave you hanging."

Roy frowned, looking over the shape Envy had morphed into. A second copy of him. Amestris couldn't handle two Roy Mustangs; it was good that one of them wasn't the real deal. The original was ticked that Envy had used his appearance to try to get close to his Edward. Though he had to admit…

The impostor did a pretty good job with the details, the original Flame Alchemist noticed as he looked over the fake. The same hair, the same skin, the same color eyes, almost everything perfectly exact. Exact enough to fool anyone but Ed, who knew Roy probably better than the Flame knew himself.

Except for one _tiny_ detail. The greatest insult to any man's pride and dignity, Roy more so because of his 'reputation.' He felt shot through the head, his suddenly bruised ego shattered at his feet, as his eyes narrowed in. He should know his own body, and the impersonator definitely messed up. Or maybe…it was an _intentional_ insult to his manhood.

And for the first time, it was the older alchemist who furiously raved, " _I AM **NOT** THAT SHORT!"_


	5. Insults

Roy Mustang was prone to a lot of highly classified information. His best friend in the Investigations Department let slip to him all the time about military secrets, and his own subordinates were a healthy source of gossip. It was with this increased knowledge of goings-on that he could manipulate others' lives so well to fit his own purposes. He was one of the few military officers who knew about the inner-workings of Lab Five, and he was one of the few who could recognize the Fuhrer as a Homunculus.

But Roy Mustang was the _only_ man who knew the exact reason why Edward Elric hated to be called 'short.' And he made use of this top-secret information every time he was alone with the blonde.

"You're short." The declaration was made in a low tone, but one that easily carried to Edward's "height-sensitive" ears.

The blond teen sputtered, face growing red with rage. Frustration (of _any_ type) was known to make Edward Elric lose control of himself. And the red splotches on his cheeks were just so… _endearing_ to Mustang.

"You're smaller than a dust particle that's floating in the air with a parachute."

The randomness didn't register in Ed's brain; he only focused on the _smaller than a dust particle_ part.

"You're so small that I could fit infinite amounts of you inside my pocket."

The Fullmetal Alchemist _swelled_.

Roy smirked, loving Ed's reaction. His eyes swept over the shaking teen's body, close to breaking point, and his smirk grew as he noticed the younger alchemist's blush intensify. "You're so tiny that you'd need a specially-made step-ladder just to reach the first step of a normal-size step-ladder."

Edward's back straightened and stiffened, his now rigid spine doing little to keep his dignity. His gloved hands started to wave about in jerky movements, drawing Roy's attention to the spastic motions. What a lovely distraction, those waving fists, from other physical responses that came about from calling Ed 'short.'

"You're so small that a crack in a cobble-stone street would seem to you like a huge canyon."

Edward growled deep in his throat, the twitching of his body getting more out-of-control as Roy kept insulting his height. But he didn't lunge or attack. Yet.

"You're so small that I could hide you under my bed without fear of suffocating you."

Finally, Ed verbally responded with clenched teeth, "Why would you have me _under_ your bed when I could be _in_ it, bastard?"

Roy grinned. "All wound up, Edward?" He purred. He positively _purred_.

"Yes, I'm _ready_ , you ass!" Ed moaned before leaping at Mustang, wildly attacking him with lips and teeth, steel fingers nearly ripping off Roy's military jacket with haste and impatience. He groaned again, rocking his hips against Mustang's to show him just how _ready_ he was after the "short foreplay."

Only Roy knew "short-jokes" could be such a turn-on for the Fullmetal Alchemist.


	6. (Freudian) Slips of the Tongue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was a challenge given to me by [Fae Elric](https://www.fanfiction.net/u/988630/Fae-Elric), as the second part of the Equivalent Trade since I gave her a challenge fic. The challenge was to write a fic involving "Freudian slips."

"Another alchemy battle?"

The entire room looked up at the question, waiting to hear the Colonel's answer. And the Fullmetal's expected tantrum at the affirmation.

The Flame Colonel nodded, expression neutral. "It appears our last fight was a huge hit, despite the amount of damage. It seems like our fellow soldiers just can't wait to see me burn you into Fullmetal ashes."

Ed snorted. "Like hell! You mean they can't wait for me to shove my foot-long up your ass."

Roy paused to blink - it appeared Ed didn't quite catch the implications in his last threat. It wasn't up to him to correct the blonde, though, so he shrugged, smirking at Ed in a superior manner. "Fullmetal," he vowed, "I will have you showering at my feet." It wasn't only the younger alchemist who seemed to have lost control of his tongue.

Edward's mouth snapped open for a cocky retort - then snapped closed in confusion. What? "Uh, Colonel? Can I talk to you in bed for a moment?" he asked, gesturing to the hallway, away from Mustang's prying subordinates.

Roy snorted again, but rose to his feet. "Wherever you want me, Edward."

The blonde narrowed golden eyes. "At my feet, broken and crying, Mustang." Though they had agreed to move, neither seemed willing to move from the office; they were both too caught up in their verbal assaults upon each other.

"Not likely," the Colonel chuckled. " _I'll_ have _you_ begging for more," Roy taunted, holding gloved fingertips above the other alchemist's head in a threatening show of defiance.

"Yeah right, don't come easy on me," Ed warned. "You know I want this to be a fair fight, unlike last time. So don't hold back. Give me everything you got, got it?"

"Sure, I'll do you for that," Roy agreed, nodding slightly.

The Colonel's subordinates looked at one another with raised eyebrows. Apparently, both alchemists had yet to admit their feelings, even to themselves; it seemed neither would listen to his subconscious.


	7. Off Button

"What? What are you looking at?" Edward Elric asked, annoyed, as the Colonel stared at him oddly, as if he had somehow gotten shorter.

The Colonel shrugged nonchalantly, rolling his shoulders. "Nothing, Fullmetal. I'm just wondering why you haven't gone spastic on me yet. You've obediently given me your report on your latest mission and for once, you haven't needed to _compensate_ for anything. I'm just surprised that I don't need to lecture you on your _shortcomings,_ though I know you've had to cause trouble. You can't resist even a _little bit_ of mayhem wherever you go."

Predictably, Ed started to rage at all the insults aimed at his height, or lack thereof. "WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO MINISCULE AN ALCHEMIST THAT HE WOULDN'T BE NOTICED HACKING AT A LADYBUG'S ANKLE? WHO ARE CALLING AN ANNOYING LITTLE DOT THAT HURTS YOUR EYES TO TRY TO FOCUS ON? _WHO ARE YOU CALLING THE SMALLEST THING IN ALL OF EXISTENCE? AND_ _THAT YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY I'M YELLING AT YOU, BECAUSE IF I WAS THAT SMALL, YOU WOULDN'T KNOW I'D BE IN THIS ROOM WITH YOU IN THE FIRST PLACE!"_

Roy Mustang sighed and chose not to clasp gloved hands over his ears. Not only would that disrupt his untouchable image, but he didn't want Ed to get the idea that he had any _power_ over him. So, instead of responding to Ed's screeching in a way that would make Ed feel superior and himself childish, the Flame moved deliberately to take control of the situation in his own hands. Literally.

He confidently peeled his gloves away from his hands, aiming for the heat of skin-to-skin contact as he brushed his fingers across Ed's cheek. Fingers swept around the blonde's entire face, but for all the good it did, Ed didn't react. A certain prodigy was too caught up in his rants to notice how his superior officer was touching him, hands moving from his face to chest.

"AND…and…and, Mustang?" Ed asked, voice faltering. "What the hell do you think you're _doing_?" The blonde shook as Roy probed him, an involuntary moan slipping past his lips as nimble fingers pressed against all his sensitive spots.

Roy was silent for a couple minutes, focused and concentrated on his work. His hands continued sliding about the front of Ed's body, sometimes light enough to be ticklish, and sometimes pushing harder along the contours of the blonde's hidden-by-clothing chest.

Again, Ed started screaming at the man in front of him, who had taken to kneeling on the floor so as to have an easier time doing…whatever he was so busy doing. "DON'T THINK YOU CAN GET AWAY WITH MANHANDLING ME LIKE THIS, BASTARD COLONEL! AND I AM NOT SO TINY THAT NORMAL PEOPLE WOULDN'T NOTICE IF YOU'D TAKEN TO MANHANDLING ME BECAUSE I'M JUST SO SMALL AND THE PERFECT SIZE FOR YOU TO PUT YOUR HANDS ALL OVER AND STILL BE INCONSPICUOUS BECAUSE NOBODY WOULD SEE ME NEXT TO YOU BECAUSE I'M JUST SO DAMN SMALL SO AS TO NOT BE SEEN AND -" He stopped abruptly, a slight groan hitched in the back of his throat.

"I think the word you're looking for is _molesting_ , not _manhandling_ , Fullmetal. Edward," Roy corrected, winking mischievously as he quietly savored his triumph - Ed's silence. The younger alchemist's breath was still lodged deep in his throat, stuck there indefinitely, or at least until the older's hand stopped cupping the front of his pants. "And to answer your question, Ed," Roy spoke softly, slowly, "I was trying to find an 'off button.' And it seems I've found it." The Flame started rubbing his hand in gentle circles in the general area where it rested, rendering a continued speechless blond teenager.

Said blond teenager had an internal struggle, trying to find his voice. When he was capable of speech, he launched into the expected tirade, though it lacked the usual ear-splitting volume. "Just…quit trying, Mustang. You can't turn me off!" Ed commanded, his voice growing with anger the longer he spoke, though still not reaching the loudness it was infamous for throughout Central Headquarters.

Roy looked bemused, peering at Ed from his position on the floor. "Then you're saying I can turn you _on_?" he clarified, quirking an eyebrow.

A disgruntled huff and an automail fist waving threateningly in his face answered Mustang's question. But despite the protesting attitude, the arousal forming against Roy's moving fingers was answer - and reward - enough.


	8. Open Thighs

"Where is that annoying sonuvabitch?" Edward demanded, chucking his report at the window behind the Colonel's desk. "He's always finding some excuse to ditch his duties. That lazy slacker! One day I'm going to chain him to his stupid desk and _then_ we'll see how he copes…" The blonde rubbed his hands together deviously, then blushed at the image of Roy bound in chains, entirely at his mercy.

Havoc shrugged at the other end of the office and grunted around his cigarette. "Come on, Boss. Don't be too hard on the guy. You know the Chief is busy with all kinds of work."

"Yeah, or more like busy spreading his legs," Ed grumbled crossly, folding his arms over his chest.

Pleasantly, from behind him, Roy countered with a smirk, "Not true, Edward. As you well know, I'm the one moving in-between them."

The horrific blush on Ed's cheeks deepened dramatically.


	9. Making Fire

Snowflakes fell incessantly from the dark clouds seemingly stationed directly above Eastern Headquarters. It wasn't a blizzard, by any means, but it wasn't a peaceful kind of snowfall either. Outside, the air was chilly, as could be expected, but inside the military base wasn't much better. There was something to be said for the backwater heating systems in the East. Something along the lines of:

"Mustang! Fucking Flame bastard!"

Of course, that would only be if one was Edward Elric and prone to aggressive behavior.

The Colonel cringed in his office, fully anticipating the loud thud and bang, in that order, that came from a certain blond prodigy kicking his door open. Step one: Edward Elric's dramatic, and oftentimes violent, entrance. Check. Step two: A derogatory comment from the man behind the desk.

"Tell me, Fullmetal, do you purposely destroy city property to bring attention to yourself? Alchemy knows you're overlooked otherwise."

…Check.

All right, so maybe not his best insult. But it would suffice in the mental planner the Flame Colonel consulted in his head when it came to the Fullmetal. With the younger alchemist, it was always spur of the moment, and usually Roy was quick on his feet to surpass the teen's wit and hold the puppet strings.

The only thing that could be predicted about the elder Elric was the ensuing temper tantrum at the insult to his height. Or, at the very least, a scowl and some dark mutterings. In other words, a negative response. Which, speak of the devil, was step three.

Ed opened his mouth to retort, an angry glare crossing his features.

Step three? Check.

"I don't have time to argue with you, bastard. I'm _cold_ and the automail fucking _hurts_ and all you do is sit behind your damn desk and make your snide little insults!"

Taken aback, the Colonel blinked, then mentally backtracked. Erase that last check mark. That particular outburst wasn't exactly Grade-A Edward Elric tantrum material. Something was off.

A sigh. "Okay, Fullmetal. Give me your report now and I'll brief you later, agreed?" He could skip step four; he was flexible. After all, it was _Ed_ who already messed up the routine office visit…

A mumble. Accompanied by some shuffling of feet.

"…What is it?"

"I…don't have my report."

"Oh?" Roy was intrigued. Then why -?

But before the question could be voiced, Ed offered his explanation. "I only came here 'cause I'm _cold_. And you're supposed to be the _Flame_ , moron…" Was the blush on his face out or resentment or humiliation at having to stoop so low? Or was it something else entirely? Because the Fullmetal was surely capable of warming himself. He was the one who continuously wore three layers of clothes at a time, after all.

"Let me get this straight, Fullmetal. You came to my office to benefit off my flame alchemy?" It took quite a few seconds before an embarrassed nod answered the question. "But you're a very talented alchemist. Can't you keep yourself warm?"

"You trying to get rid of me, Mustang?" The defiance burning in those golden eyes was cause for reconsideration. "You're _famous_ for making sparks from your fingertips. Just indulge me, you asshole. Snap already!"

Roy swallowed, scrutinizing his subordinate. Something was very off today. Was there the sense of ulterior motives underneath Ed's admittedly strange request? Was the younger _looking_ for a reason to stay in his office? And how far exactly did that blooming blush intend for things to go? "Edward…" he trailed off, breaking the formality. "You do realize that by asking what you have, that you're jeopardizing everything we work for?"

"I don't know what you think I'm asking for, Mustang, but whatever it is, you're headed in the wrong direction." Wrong direction? Ed was the one who took the first step off the road of normality. Roy had only to follow.

"Is that why you're blushing? I'm already making you hot, Ed. Look at your cheeks. They're all red!"

"Red from the _cold_!" Ed snapped hurriedly, unconvincingly.

Hm. So it was the denial game. That was fine. Roy could deal. Time to change the subject then…

"Edward," Roy murmured, then let a long pause fill the empty air as the tension settled between them. "Do you know how primitive men used to make fire?"

The blond glared at him, though there was a hint of relief mixed in with the annoyance. "You mean the stupid and ignorant people who didn't know how to draw a simple transmutation circle to warm themselves? No."

"I thought your teacher taught you to only use alchemy as a necessity, to use your hands where you could," Roy softly argued, brow furrowing. "I thought that was the whole point of your training?"

"You mean on the island?" Ed asked, blinking. "Al an' I used brushwood. But we can't exactly build a fire in your office, damned bastard. You must be deranged!"

"I was trying to lead you down the right path," the older of the two said, a bit stiffly as he explained further. Actually, the possibility of adding a "step five" to their usual routine was rather enticing. Roy Mustang did like making fire.

Now for that one crucial moment as the sparks crackled before bursting into flames…

"Getting down to the technicalities, Edward, the entire process of creating sparks is rather quite stimulating. You see, in the old days, men warmed themselves by rubbing two sticks together…"


	10. Injection

Had Edward Elric been forced to rant his hatred for something other than a certain Colonel Mustang, he'd have to complain wildly about injections. Shots, vaccinations, inoculations, in other words. The eldest Elric absolutely hated the idea of something sharp being stuck into his skin and squirting foreign liquids into his body. The thought just wasn't very appealing to him at all. What was the point? He was healthy enough on his own without having a needle jabbed into him.

Of course, the very reason he was indeed thinking about injections traced back to his original object of hatred, a smirking Flame Colonel. His superior officer had ordered - not suggested, but _ordered_ \- that he be up-to-date on all his vaccinations.

"I'm surprised the military has let you run amok all over the country without your shots as you have been, Fullmetal. Frankly, I'm surprised the higher-ups haven't pressed the matter before now," Mustang had explained calmly to a fuming teenager. "And to be sure you get the complete list of vaccinations, I've been ordered to supervise your doctor's visit. I'm sure you won't mind if I escort you to the medical ward?"

Yes, of course Edward minded. He minded very much. But the Flame Alchemist had doggedly steered him towards the medical wing of the building, making sure that the blond didn't put up a fight along the way. Threatening the boy's secret worked wonders, as always. The threat was subtle, but there. Edward understood the implications.

Even so, the teen fidgeted and protested. "NO!" he hollered, wriggling free of Roy's grasp and clawing at the locked door of the patient's waiting room. "I refuse! You will NOT stick something sharp into me! No way! You keep that needle the fuck away from me, Mustang!"

Roy only sighed and rolled his eyes. "You know, Edward, you're behaving like a child. What would Al think if he could see you like this?"

A blush bloomed on Ed's cheeks as the blond growled. "Al knows I hate shots, you idiot!" he screamed back at the older alchemist, only mildly ashamed and sure as hell not showing it. "You let me out of this godforsaken death prison-!"

The Flame Alchemist stood still for a moment, only moving to restrain the wild teenager once the doctor, flanked by about eight nurses to be on the safe side, entered the room. "I'm sorry on Fullmetal's behalf," Roy apologized, seizing one of Ed's flailing arms. Luckily, Ed's automail missed his skull by inches.

Ed froze, feeling Roy's touch. His struggling increased tenfold when the older alchemist started trying to undress him, pushing his red coat off his shoulders. "What the hell do you think you're doing, you perverted freak?" Ed shouted, causing those in the medical profession to wince profusely.

"Do you not want to have a shot in your arm?" Roy asked, getting an idea. At Ed's frantic nod, he continued, "Well, there is _one_ alternative."

Ed blinked, prompting Roy to explain further.

"You can, uh, have a shot in the buttocks instead."

As desperate as he was, Ed certainly wasn't _that_ desperate. " _What_?" he croaked, throat starting to hurt after all that earlier screaming.

"You heard me." Roy's smile was rather alarming, and Ed felt renewed energy give him the strength to continue fighting. "Doctor, if I may…?" the dark-haired man asked, gesturing to his subordinate. "I'd like to administer this particular injection. In private."

Some time later, Ed felt he might not mind "injections" if only Roy Mustang was the one handling the "needle."

It was a good thing the Fullmetal Alchemist had a _lot_ of vaccinations to get caught up with; being behind on so many shots never felt so good.


End file.
